When the day ends with locking your keys in the car and not being able to take #1 son to ice skating, you know your day sucked. Thankfully, my mother in law was around to take #1, otherwise massive tantrum would have capped my day. Lousy meeting, lousy coirkers and a STILL not sleeping #2 child makes for a craptacular Monday. I need to start playing the lottery.


Happy Birthday to Me

Today is the celebration of my birth, Yippee! Except that Hurricance Hanna has literally put a damper on the festivities. Our original plans are scrapped, we’re stuck in the house, the baby is clingy and there’s no birthday cake. Yet. #1 son and TH are supposed to remedy this problem soon. Provided the rain subsides even a little we’ll go out to dinner.

Not that I expect parades and grand parties at my age, but birthdays have become very ho hum, just another day. Granted, having a birthday is better than the alternative, but after one’s 21st birthday, they mostly just don’t matter. I think next year I am going to wear a tiara all day.

Why Doesn’t She Get a Hairbrush like the other Girls?

I know I don’t fit the desired demographic of The Hills viewership, but I got sucked into the marathon Sunday on MTV. The new season started Monday night, so MTV was getting everyone geared up by playing last season’s episodes. Several things jumped out at me as I watched the train wreck unfold:

1. Lo’s hair is a rat’s nest. Every other girl (and guy) has perfectly coiffed hair, yet Lo looks like she spent twenty minutes in a wind tunnel prior to her scene. Please someone buy her some product. (Says the woman that spends fifteen minutes on her hair, tops.)

2. They all spend a lot of time warning each other about one another. Brody warns Lauren about Stephanie, Lauren warns Audrina about Heidi and on and on. I’m a female so I am well aware of the bitchiness in friendships, especially in the early twenties, twit years. But seriously, until one of them is hiding WMDs in their fabulous home, just let it go. Unless the cast of The Hills has been living under a rock between seasons, they’ve undoubtedly watched their own show and read US Magazine, so they already know who’s a jerk and who isn’t. (Well, it may be hard to tell who isn’t a jerk.)

3. Each time Spencer appeared in an episode, I thought to myself, “Could he be a bigger jerk/moron/(insert your own word here)” and thirty minutes later in the next episode I would find out that the answer to the question was yes, he could. I have never seen someone with no redeeming qualities. He’s gross, rude, boorish, gross, manipulative, repulsive and did I mention gross? I find myself needing Botox and a hot shower after his scenes because I can feel my face making that wrinkly ewwww face and he leaves a dirty, soap scum residue.

4. While I realize these people have jobs, sort of, do they really expect us to believe those entry level jobs pay so much that the twits can go out every night, wear designer clothes and live in to die for homes that are very well put together? I may be in the minority but I would like to see how real twenty somethings live. (Eating Ramen, going through the couch for loose change for beer, crying in front of the ATM-okay so maybe that was just me)

Before anyone says I’m just jealous (the #1 retort to snarkiness on the internet) I will be honest, I am only jealous of some of the homes because there is not one battery operated, plastic, light up, noisy toy in any of their living rooms.

Oh What a Beautiful Morning-Hah

You know the day is not going to go well when you’ve uttered the “F word” 5 times before 9:00am. Reasons for such colorful language include:

– Completely screwing up the checking account. It’s hard to transfer money from one account to another when the money is not there.

-Obtaining more evidence that your work environment is a mix between Dilbert and Office Space. The level of incompetence and whining is staggering. My almost 5 year old whines and tattles less than these folks.

-Realizing (again) that you yourself have been incompetent in the grocery shopping department as your stomach yells out to anyone who will listen. Maybe a pat of butter followed by a coffee creamer chaser isn’t so bad?

Abandoned at 32 years old

My parents have talked for a couple of years about moving when my dad retires. They’ve stopped in towns that looked interesting while they were on travel, tried a few weekend getaways in some other areas and had an ongoing dialogue about where they may move. The end result was always the same, they won’t move until my dad actually retires because he travels so much during the week and ultimately they’ll probably stay right where they are now. They have lived in the same town for 24 years have made long term friends and are involved in different organizations. Though they say they never do anything, though the reality is that they are hardly ever home. I fear that they have unrealistic expectations of a social life. Moving at this stage in their lives brings about obstacles, they no longer have small children like they did when they last moved 24 years ago, which are a great way to meet new people in a strange town. Their new neighborhood could be filled with young families (they won’t do any research of the neighborhood, I’m sure), who won’t be eager to have my parents over for happy hour.

So earlier this week at 8am I get a surprise phone call, my parents have bought a house in Florida. WTF? They went to visit friends in Ormond Beach, Fl. I knew they would look at real estate while there and assumed they would come back from this visit eager to go back and get a better feel for the town. WRONG. On day 2 they found a great house and started the buying process. This sounds like a horrible idea for the following reasons:

1. They know very little about the town, how about looking into that a little more? Are there activities and groups for them to involve themselves in? Where’s the grocery store? Who knows, who cares apparently.

2. They didn’t want to live in a beach area and deal with the added insurance and hurricane headache. The new house is 2 blocks from the beach.

3. We are in the DC suburbs with their only grandchildren. My mom keeps saying things about us coming to visit and how they’re close to lots of things and will have a backyard pool. That’s great but it’s not like they bought a place in Rehoboth. Driving 12 hours to access their pool is not really appealing. They see our kids almost weekly now, and complain when more than two weeks go by without visiting. They need to get ready for annual visits at best.

4. They’re just going to get older, now with no family nearby to help. Right now they are an hour away from my family. If they were moving near my brother in SC I would understand that more. My mom complains about my grandmother being so far away now, so what do my parents do? Perpetuate this cycle.

The whole thing is rash and my parents have been making similar decisions for a while now, then regretting the decision. Case in point. My mother decides to buy a Hybrid on the fly and drives straight to the dealership. They don’t have the exact vehicle she wants, so instead of ordering what she wants and waiting a couple of months like a normal person, she buys what they have and then has them replace everything on it (switching out the entire interior, retroactively adding the GPS, etc) What? She now regrets that and says she should have waited.

I admit to researching everything before buying, but TH and I rarely have regrets because of this. It’s one thing to regret a vehicle purchase, but to regret an enormous life change is something else entirely. Luckily, while they have bought the house they do have about 18 months before dad retires, so it can be like a long engagement before they make the final commitment to leave their current lives behind. Thinking I was overreacting to a degree (I do that sometimes), I called my brother and asked for his opinion. He agrees that this too quick of a decision and is worried that they will have regrets. We both agree that my parents have the right to retire wherever they want, they’ve worked hard and been very selfless. But an educated decision would make us all feel better.

Realistically I am an almost 32 year old woman with kids, a husband, career and house. But my inner four year old feels abandoned. I have a small family and they will have all moved away.

Kelly Preston Has my Back?

On Friday morning I was watching Today while getting dressed (it was a day off, hence the late start) and Hoda and Kathy Lee interviewed Kelly Preston, aka Mrs. John Travolta. She had a new movie premiering on Lifetime over the weekend. They chitchatted about the movie and then either Hoda or Kathie Lee (I don’t remember, they are equally irritating and now shall be known as Koda) asked Kelly how she does it, meaning how does she balances working and her kids. Are. You. Kidding. Me?

Kelly talked about how John flies the whole family to location and blah, blah, blah. I am sorry but Kelly Preston has nothing in common with the regular working mom. I do not see Kelly stressed out because she is stuck in traffic and will not make it to daycare before 6:30pm, then incur the $20 fine for being late. Or having business meetings planned for the day only to wake up with a vomiting child and wondering if her employer will be angry (e.g. ding her come raise/bonus time) for calling into work.

Admittedly, I am very fortunate. I have a supportive spouse, flexible job and family nearby that is always offering to help. If I am perturbed with Today’s assumption that Kelly Preston can feel my working mom pain, then how about the women who have no support and no flexibility, is Kelly speaking to them? I can see where Hoda and Kathy Lee are coming from, they have more in common with Kelly Preston then I ever will. But to assume that Kelly Preston’s work/life balance advice can help out Mrs. Jane American is preposterous. If Kelly does not get paid because she is not working since the kids are ill, does she get behind on bills?

I would much rather see an interview between Koda and a woman who works at Big Box Store forty hours a week and have them ask her how she manages. She might tell them she does not manage, but the interview would be much more realistic to the vast majority of viewers. I know, I know what do I expect from Today? Apparently way too much.