Why Doesn’t She Get a Hairbrush like the other Girls?

I know I don’t fit the desired demographic of The Hills viewership, but I got sucked into the marathon Sunday on MTV. The new season started Monday night, so MTV was getting everyone geared up by playing last season’s episodes. Several things jumped out at me as I watched the train wreck unfold:

1. Lo’s hair is a rat’s nest. Every other girl (and guy) has perfectly coiffed hair, yet Lo looks like she spent twenty minutes in a wind tunnel prior to her scene. Please someone buy her some product. (Says the woman that spends fifteen minutes on her hair, tops.)

2. They all spend a lot of time warning each other about one another. Brody warns Lauren about Stephanie, Lauren warns Audrina about Heidi and on and on. I’m a female so I am well aware of the bitchiness in friendships, especially in the early twenties, twit years. But seriously, until one of them is hiding WMDs in their fabulous home, just let it go. Unless the cast of The Hills has been living under a rock between seasons, they’ve undoubtedly watched their own show and read US Magazine, so they already know who’s a jerk and who isn’t. (Well, it may be hard to tell who isn’t a jerk.)

3. Each time Spencer appeared in an episode, I thought to myself, “Could he be a bigger jerk/moron/(insert your own word here)” and thirty minutes later in the next episode I would find out that the answer to the question was yes, he could. I have never seen someone with no redeeming qualities. He’s gross, rude, boorish, gross, manipulative, repulsive and did I mention gross? I find myself needing Botox and a hot shower after his scenes because I can feel my face making that wrinkly ewwww face and he leaves a dirty, soap scum residue.

4. While I realize these people have jobs, sort of, do they really expect us to believe those entry level jobs pay so much that the twits can go out every night, wear designer clothes and live in to die for homes that are very well put together? I may be in the minority but I would like to see how real twenty somethings live. (Eating Ramen, going through the couch for loose change for beer, crying in front of the ATM-okay so maybe that was just me)

Before anyone says I’m just jealous (the #1 retort to snarkiness on the internet) I will be honest, I am only jealous of some of the homes because there is not one battery operated, plastic, light up, noisy toy in any of their living rooms.